Give Your Mate The Gift of Amnesty For That Annoying Habit

February 7th, 2012 by Arielle

Long stem roses, a box of chocolates, sexy lingerie, promises of hot monkey love, romantic dinners and champagne…these are the stereotypical gifts for your loved one.

As lovely and appreciated as these gifts can be, what if if you gave your beloved something that they never expected, something that will make both of you happy and is totally free?

Here’s what I’m suggesting:

Decide right now to figure out how to create a new story for yourself about that thing your mate does that drives you crazy….find the beauty and perfection in it, and then GIFT them with your vow to finally let it go.

Give your beloved amnesty for the one thing you most complain, argue, or harass them about. Wabi Sabi Amnesty Vow

Whether it’s the wet towels on the floor, the toilet seat left up, the dirty dishes in the sink, the constant texting at the dinner table, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, forgetting to take out the trash, interrupting you when you are on the phone, or whatever transgression you have deemed unbearable.

Want to deepen your experience?  Your partner will benefit more than you can possibly understand if you take the time to ask yourself these questions:

How many more times am I willing to allow this situation to annoy me?

What payoff do I get by finding fault in my partner?

What does being “annoyed” keep me from having?

Where did I learn to be annoyed by other people’s behavior?

NEXT:

Imagine that your mate’s annoying behavior exists solely to teach you how to become a more loving and compassionate person. And then, upon reflection, please write down three (or more) gifts of the offending behavior.

Give Your Beloved a Wabi Sabi Amnesty Vow

Looking for the gifts is an invaluable skill in a world in which we can’t control others behavior. While our partners may never change the quirks and idiosyncrasies that we find maddening, we can change our perceptions of them.

This Valentines Day make a shift from “annoyed to enjoyed” and let your beloved know by sharing this free, very special Wabi Sabi Amnesty Vow with them.

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Wabi Sabi Listening

February 3rd, 2012 by Arielle

Listening is more than getting ready to squawk your opinion.

I am not always the world’s greatest listener.

I often drift. It’s not intentional. It’s just that there are so many thoughts and ideas in my head, my attention gets diverted.

And, I have a bad habit of multi-tasking.

This doesn’t go unnoticed.

Early on in my marriage to Brian, he would often say to me “you’re not listening.” I would get defensive, disagree and most of the time would be able to repeat back to him his last sentence….but he was right.

I may have heard him but my attention was divided between whatever he was saying and the words in my head. Brian is about as easy going as a human being can be, but my “not listening” was a real challenge for both of us.

One day, as I caught a look of disappointment on his face when he caught me (again) drifting, I suddenly realized, “if I don’t learn to really listen to him, he will find someone who will.”

I began to really look at my issue and realized my drifting was not only a bad habit that needed to be corrected, but that active listening is an act of love, something I wasn’t giving.

I wish I could tell you that I am now the world’s greatest listener.  I’ve gotten much better and even though there is always room for improvement I can tell by Brian’s demeanor that he feels heard and loved.

Recently, my friend Dave Ellis gave a talk to a bunch of us attending the Transformational Leadership Council meeting in Hawaii on “Listening for Brilliance.”  He challenged us to first write down our own ideas of what “listening for brilliance” could possibly be. Here’s what I (and others) came up with:

Listen like they are the most important person in the world to you.

The gift of Soulful Listening brings abundant reward. Who can you listen to today?

Listen so they feel totally seen and heard.

Listen for and from love.

Listen for a message from God.

Listen like it matters.

Listen like it will save my life.

Listen like a lover on a first date.

Listen without an agenda.

I began to imagine how I would feel if every time I spoke, my words were received like this! This conversation about listening really opened my heart and my ears to greater possibilities to become a better listener in all of my relationships.

How will being a better listener transform your relationships?

Here’s an inspiring video from Dave on Soulful Listening

 

 

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A Wabi Sabi Chuckle: How To Pick The Perfect Wine

January 20th, 2012 by Arielle

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/issuecartoons/2012/01/16/cartoons_20120109#slide=7

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Everyone Carries Something Into A Relationship – Be Gentle

January 15th, 2012 by Arielle

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A Confession and a Secret Revealed…..

January 5th, 2012 by Arielle

 

 

After Brian and I got married I discovered that “manifesting a soulmate” was the easy part.

The hard part was just beginning.

I was totally clueless about creating a great relationship. After 44 years of being single, I was used to having my own way (all of the time) and since I managed skip over having a “starter marriage” I had zero experience in “partnership.”

One day I found myself being particularly pushy.  I witnessed myself pointing my right index finger in Brian’s face (left hand on left hip) ragging him out about something…..and I was shocked!  OMG….what was I doing?

I quickly apologized and then in a flash of insight said to him, “the next time I get like this, and unfortunately there will be a next time, you have my permission to ask me “when did Sheila enter the room?” (Sheila is my brilliant, amazing, and some times overbearing Mom)

Brian instantly got it and said to me, “And the next time I am getting too patronizing, you can call me Wayne.” (his much beloved Dad.) This was the amazing beginning of our dedication to practicing Wabi Sabi Love in our relationship…a way to offset problems and allow in more love.

Now you may be thinking….what the heck is Wabi Sabi?

Wabi Sabi is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old, worn, weathered, imperfect, and impermanent.  In fact, it seeks to find “beauty and perfection in the imperfections.”  For instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a spotlight on the crack!

My new book, Wabi Sabi Love shows you exactly how to see your partner in a whole new light, so you begin to appreciate, even celebrate  your partner’s imperfections. It transforms “tired” relationships so they feel new, fresh, and exciting-like you’re on your honeymoon again! AND….even if you are not yet with your soulmate, this is a skill worth learning now.

The best way to discover Wabi Sabi Love is through stories and fun, simple exercises, and that’s exactly what you’ll find in the book. Wabi SabiLove reveals secrets that create a passionate, joyful, and loving relationship.

If you are ready for more love, fun, harmony, and passion in your relationship, I encourage you to order my book today. It comes with several terrific free bonuses including audio workshops from John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Alison Armstrong, guided practices, a higher love visioning video and more!

To More Love and Light in Your Relationship,

Arielle

P.S: You’ll be particularly inspired by the story on page 211, which shows how Michelle Obama accomplished a Wabi Sabi Love transformation faster than she ever thought possible. You can do it too, but you have to buy the book to get this kind of transformation in your relationship, so hurry before the first printing sells out.

Get your copy of Wabi Sabi Love now!

Comment Here / Tags: / Posted in Happiness, Marriage, Truth

Wabi Sabi Close to Home

December 31st, 2011 by Arielle

This large wooden Buddha lives at one of our favorite restaurants in San Diego, Isabel’s Cantina (http://www.isabelscantina.com/isabel-cantina.php). I have sat next to this Buddha literally hundreds of times over the past 10 years, always admiring the serene smile of the Buddha’s face.

While having breakfast there this morning, I suddenly became aware of the long vertical Wabi Sabi cracks on the Buddha. I know the cracks have always been there, but today I feel like I really saw them for the first time.

I don’t know what caused the cracks, but for me the cracks make this Buddha more ancient and more beautiful. Who or what in your life can you choose to find more beautiful, cracks and all?

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“You Are Making Me Crazy!”

November 18th, 2011 by Arielle

Here is the simple reality: we all have behaviors and quirks that make our spouse crazy.

Often they are small things such as leaving socks on the floor or the cereal bowl in the sink, but every time we confront them, we feel annoyed or frustrated.

I’ll bet finding the Wabi Sabi  ”beauty and perfection” isn’t easy at
these times.

Here’s a fun and light-hearted exercise to try with your mate.

1.   Buy an oversized “I Love You just because” card.

2.  In the card write a note that along these lines:
I love you.  I need you.  You rock my world And….you are driving me crazy.  Every time you_______ (add just one behavior here), a part of me just groans…not again……And, I know there are things that I do that drive you crazy too.

3.  So…here is my suggestion:
Let’s agree that for the next 7 days you will do your best to stop _______ and I will stop doing one thing that makes you crazy.

4.  If at the end of a week we are successful, I will celebrate by _______for you.  If we are unsuccessful, I promise to accept _______(socks on the floor, whatever) as one of your unchangeable, adorable quirks and try to never mention it again.

Let me know what happens!!

3 Comments / Tags: / Posted in Conflict

The Wabi Sabi of Stress

November 8th, 2011 by Arielle

For the past several months my life has gotten progressively more stressful as I geared up to launch the Art of Love series.

There were so many things to do that I was constantly waking up in the middle of the night to write down things I still needed to accomplish.

Fortunately the Art of Love has come together brilliantly and there are more than 60,000 participants all over the world enjoying the expertise of Deepak Chopra, Harville Hendrix, Marianne Williamson, John Gray and more.

Here’s a confession: the payoff of the stress is the adrenalin rush that often comes with it. There is an excitement factor that makes me feel very alive.

It also provides an excuse for skipping workouts, not eating right and choosing to not take the time to stay centered and calm. I am aware that I am “wigged out,” and yet I pretend that “it can’t be helped.”

We went in Maui last week for the Awesomeness Fest – a gathering of global, conscious entrepreneurs and while I was thrilled to be invited as a speaker, I was also nervous about a new talk I had prepared. I arrived totally exhausted and on the verge of getting sick.

Part of me was trying hard to “power through” the tiredness but it wasn’t working. So…. I finally asked myself “What would Wabi Sabi ask me to do?”

As I was lying under my umbrella on the beach, I realized the only answer to allow myself to be as profoundly tired as I was….to just surrender completely into the depth of fatigue and let it be a beautiful experience.

As I sank further into my chair, I was able to just “be” tired and I let my mind and body go. Soon I felt subtle peaceful waves flow through me and I took a much-needed nap.

About 3 hours later a funny thing happened…I noticed that I felt great! My energy level was coming back and I no longer felt like I was on the verge of getting sick.

That afternoon the AwesomenessFest creator, Vishen Lakhiani, spoke about “living in the flow” and the steps to developing “Blisscipline,” which is my new favorite word.

Now that I can remember how great it feels to not be stressed out, I am making a new commitment to to do all the things I know are good for me.

I look forward to taking time to workout daily, doing my daily HeartMath heart-lockins, taking breaks during the workday, scheduling more fun and pleasure, and making a conscious effort to remember that while I can’t control what happens everyday, I can control how I react.

How are you handling stress?  Is there a payoff you aren’t aware of?  Check in and choose your reaction when your life overwhelms.  Find the Wabi Sabi secret and slow down to savor the experience.

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The Wabi Sabi of Conflict

October 26th, 2011 by Arielle

Did you know that a certain amount of conflict and tension is actually NORMAL and good for your relationship?  Many of us grew up thinking “happily ever after” meant no conflict.  Guess what?

New research released by the University of Minnesota shows it’s not conflict that’s the problem, it’s how we resolve the issues and how quickly we recoup after a spat.

According to lead researcher Jessica Salvatore of the university’s College of Education and Human Development’s Institute of Child Development,  “recovering from conflict well predicts higher satisfaction and you perceive the relationship more positively.”

What’s really interesting is, you don’t have to be the one who recovers well from conflict for your relationship to benefit. A partner who recovers well doesn’t let remnants of the conflict spill over into other parts of the relationship, Salvatore said. He or she is able to separate conflict from other types of interactions, such as deciding how to parent or support one another.

<Note: At this point, I’m waiting to hear more about how I don’t have to be the one to recover well—maybe something from the study about how my partner can recover better than I and our relationship still benefits?>

I was so intrigued by these study findings that I decided to spend a few weeks interviewing some of the world’s top relationship experts, including Harvelle Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks, John Gray, Deepak Chopra, Alison Armstrong and many others for a f.r.e.e online event I’m hosting. It’s called The Art of Love Series, and it begins on November 1st http://lovesummit.com

After doing these interviews, I’ve discovered that conflict and creative tension is not only good for your relationship, it’s normal, necessary and even creates excitement. Imagine that.

Conflict allows you to improve your relationship by sharpening your listening and communication skills.  Experts say that conflict not only strengthens bonds, it allows you to show how much you care for each other.

Many of the experts in The Art of Love series will be sharing their best tips and solutions for consciously resolving conflicts.  When you listen in you will discover:

Are you a turtle or a hailstorm?

Are you prone to “wargasms?”

Why it’s “ok” to have irreconcilable differences.

How a bowl full of beads will insure an abundant sex life.

The steps to regaining love and trust after betrayal.

How to ask for what you truly want and need from your partner.
(and so much more)

Until The Art of Love series begins on November 1st here are some of my favorite solutions for resolving arguments:

1.  Genuinely consider the other person’s point of view. First, never say “you’re wrong” to your partner. Try hard to find areas of agreement and build on them.

2.  Do say to them, “Yes, yes, I see exactly what you’re saying. You mean…….” This way they know that you heard them and they are validated.

3.  If you are wrong, quickly admit it and take responsibility. “You’re absolutely right, it is my fault and here is what I’ll do to fix it.” Even if you’re NOT wrong, at least give them the benefit of the doubt, “I may be wrong, let’s look at the facts together.” It’s hard to argue with that!

Wabi Sabi Principle to live by: Forgiveness and sincere apologies for wrong-doing are the foundation of a healthy and lasting relationship.

Reserve Your Spot for the Art of LOVE Series!

4 Comments / Tags: , , , , , / Posted in Conflict, Happiness

Beauty in the Ordinary at the Hands of a Master

October 25th, 2011 by Arielle

Ever worry that you are not good enough? Do you feel flawed? This inspiring video will encourage you to look for the treasure in imperfection:

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