In a word, yes.  Looking back I can see that coming to peace with my singleness, broken and imperfect as I felt, was the springboard for meeting Brian.

Accepting imperfection with grace is the heart of Wabi Sabi and choosing this mindset continues to have a ripple effect in my life and my relationship with Brian.

Single men and women, who have read my book The Soulmate Secret, and are actively seeking to manifest the love of their life, often ask me if I can share with them the secret to speeding up the process. They tell me they are tired of waiting, wishing, hoping and yearning for the day the One will arrive.

While I know and believe that you can consciously manifest the love of your life. (I’ve done it as have thousands of my students around the world) you don’t get to choose the speed at which it all comes together.

I believe that “savoring the waiting” is an important part of the process.…this is where you get to really enjoy your last days of being single, a time where you can relish the journey and joyfully anticipate your soulmates arrival.

You can choose to allow yourself to feel desperate and alone or you can choose to feel happy and blessed. One way to adopt the “happy and blessed” mindset is to understand the ancient Japanese aesthetic known as wabi sabi which honors all things old, worn, weathered, imperfect, and impermanent. In fact, it seeks to find “beauty and perfection in the imperfections.”

You can now choose to adopt a wabi sabi perspective to your final days as a “single”rather than choosing to succumb to weeks or months of simply “enduring” the wait.

Think of it this way: when the seeds of a flower have been planted in the ground and the first leaves begin to sprout, the gardener does not tug on the leaves every day to make the plant grow fast. He trusts that Mother Nature will play her role and then when the time is right, the flower will blossom. Like a gardener, you have planted a seed and invited love to unfold in your life.

Another benefit to practicing wabi sabi is that it will become infinitely beneficial once you are with your beloved. I call this the practice of Wabi Sabi Love.

Why would you take the time to learn how to apply Wabi Sabi Love to your relationship? Because 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages all end in divorce!   We aren’t born with the innate knowledge of how to “do” relationship. Even worse, we’ve been brainwashed by modern day society to look for and seek perfection, which leads to an ongoing state of frustration and dissatisfaction.

In truth, we all know that perfection is not possible. But with Wabi Sabi Love we can come to appreciate our own and the other’s imperfection, and can actually experience a more natural state of grace than we thought possible.

By learning and practicing Wabi Sabi Love you begin to accept the flaws, imperfections, and limitations – as well as the gifts and blessings – that form your shared history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are crucial to achieving relationship harmony.

It’s is sacred love, the highest form of love, and like most things worth striving for in life requires patience, commitment, personal responsibility, and practice. Imagine how great you will feel when you know your partner accepts all of you, all the time? The good, the bad, and everything in between!

My soulmate of fourteen years, Brian, and I credit the success of our relationship to applying Wabi Sabi Love to everyday life.

If you are savoring the waiting and Divine Timing is stretching your patience I encourage you to order this book right away so you can start practicing your Wabi Sabi mindset before your partner even shows up! (http://thewabisabibook.com ). There are several terrific free bonuses that come with it including audio workshops from John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Alison Armstrong and more!

]]> http://www.wabisabilove.com/2012/04/23/is-wabi-sabi-helpful-for-singles/feed/ 0 http://www.wabisabilove.com/2012/03/29/wabi-sabi-iphoneography-by-paul-cutright/ http://www.wabisabilove.com/2012/03/29/wabi-sabi-iphoneography-by-paul-cutright/#comments Thu, 29 Mar 2012 20:59:09 +0000 Arielle http://www.wabisabilove.com/?p=515

Today I am featuring a guest post from Paul Cutright on iPhoneography with Teri Lou .  Love the idea of taking the limitations of cell phone photography and making art from it.  Be sure to stop by Teri Lou’s site and check it out. Enjoy:

"The Last Red Leaf" Photo by Paul Cutright

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese aesthetic arising out of the Zen tradition. It is a celebration of the beauty, harmony and authenticity of the imperfect, mundane or often overlooked. It concedes that nothing is permanent, nothing lasts and nothing is perfect.

And in that lies a unique beauty for the discerning eye. While the iPhone camera and iPhoneography itself may be considered a medium of expression of those very same wabi-sabi values, it flies in the face of the often fanatical pursuit of image “sharpness” that accompany more traditional forms and tools of photography.

According to writer Patricia Ward, “Wabi, sabi, and suki are important yet illusive concepts that explain the notion of Japanese beauty. Wabi denotes simplicity and quietude and incorporates rustic beauty, such as patterns found in straw, bamboo, clay, or stone.

Wabi refers to both that which is made by nature and that which is made by man. Sabi refers to the patina of age, the concept that changes due to use may make an object more beautiful and valuable. This incorporates an appreciation of the cycles of life and careful, artful mending of damage. Suki means subtle elegance referring to beauty in accidental creation or unconventional forms.”

Japanese architect Tadao Ando says, “Wabi-sabi is underplayed and modest, the kind of quiet, undeclared beauty that waits patiently to be discovered. It’s a fragmentary glimpse: the branch representing the entire tree, shoji screens filtering the sun, the moon 90 percent obscured behind a ribbon of cloud. It’s a richly mellow beauty that’s striking but not obvious, that you can imagine having around you for a long, long time . . .”

I believe the iPhone with its multiplicity of apps, produces all kinds of imperfect yet beautiful images, both by professional photographers and novices alike. And I observe so many of these “iPhoneographers” having a blast playing with all the creative possibilities that are contained right within the tool itself!

 And let us not forget that iPhoneography is photography and those who use the iPhone are making photographic images. As odd as the name “iPhoneography” (kind of like “Nikonography” or “Canonography”) sounds, it exists in a long tradition of technical and aesthetic practices and distinctions. And, at the same time, appears to be producing both a revolution and an evolution in the art of photographic image making. There are growing numbers of mobile phone art exhibitions in galleries and museums all around the world.

"Three Doors" Photo by PaulCutrightPhoto.com

If the notion of wabi-sabi appeals to you I encourage you to explore the idea for yourself. Go on a photo art walk around your home, your yard or neighborhood as a kind of meditation, moving slowly and allowing your unconscious to lead your eye and perhaps direct your gaze toward some previously unnoticed scene; gardening utensils lying haphazardly on a worn table or bench, blossoms in a state of early decay, some object out of place or set askew. Remember, you are looking for the imperfect, the worn and well used or ordinary and often overlooked.

See if this kind of exercise brings some new awareness and sensitivity to your image making with your iPhone. And thus producing images of exceptional beauty “that you can imagine having around you for a long, long time . . .”

About Paul Cutright

Paul is most well known as a relationship expert in creative partnership with his wife, Layne. (www.paulandlayne.com) Together they have authored books, audio and video courses and trainings for creating conscious, evolutionary relationships.

He has also been a fine art photographer for about 40 years with his images published in books, magazines and displayed in art galleries. Paul earned a BFA in Fine Art Photography at the San Francisco Art Institute in 1973 where his life-long passion for capturing the beauty and wonder of light through the lens of a camera began.

Paul explains that having found the accessibility, speed and creative tools with the iPhone has rekindled the sense of joy, passion, sheer fun and creativity he experienced in art school.

You may see more of Paul’s images at his website – www.paulcutrightphoto.com and his blog - http://wabi-sabi-iphoneography.blogspot.com

Paul Cutrighth

http://facebook.com/paulcutrightphotos

http://wabi-sabi-iphoneography.blogspot.com

Finding examples of Wabi Sabi in your every day life brings peace in the midst of your current challenge?  Click here to download my newest Wabi Sabi Love Feelingization.  I will send your recording right to you.

Last week I attended an event where the indomitable Lynne Twist was speaking about commitment and compassion.

She spoke about the Hunger Project work she did in Africa and some of the surprising and disappointing things that happened while working in Zaire during the regime of Mobutu. Mobutu is considered by some to be one of the most cruel, brutal and reprehensible dictators in history.

Understandably, Lynne considered him to be a monster.

During this time she was invited to attend a state dinner in Tokyo. It turned out that the guest of honor was the evil perpetrator Mobutu. She found herself standing in a long reception line (with all the other guests and dignitaries) waiting to shake his hand.

Deeply conflicted, she debated whether to stay in line or risk offending her host (and one of her largest donors) by leaving the line. Just before it was her turn to shake the hand of the monster, Mobutu, she had an epiphany…she realized that something very terrible must have happened to him as a child that had him turn into the villainous man he became. And with that she was able to find compassion for the innocent child in him and shake his hand.

Hearing this story triggered my own memories about stories of a monster and despicable human being I grew up hearing about.

Until I went away to college, we spent every Sunday visiting my paternal grandparents in Miami, Florida. My Grandma Mae would make a big Jewish feast of brisket, noodle kugel, and other delicious food and delectable goodies and treats.

At least once a year we would be joined by our cousins from New Jersey…Al and Carol Lipson…they were holocaust survivors. Every visit they would share the story of how they endured the horrors of the concentration camp, they would show us the numbers tattooed on their bodies, they would tell us about the dozens of other relatives who died in the camps, and then their gripping story would end with the miracle of how they were reunited after the war.

After hearing this scary story, year after year, I asked my parents why they always talked about it and revisited the unfathomable, inexcusable horror. My parents told me if was very important that we never forget how Hitler killed millions of Jews. I grew up with a deep knowing that there was evil in the world and that evil is called Hitler.

A few years ago we were in Venice, Italy with my sister Debbie and several friends and we went to see a contemporary art exhibition featuring the collection of Francois Pinault (Salma Hayak’s husband). It was in a gorgeous palace known as the Palazzo Grassi and it included works by Jeff Koons, Damien Hirst, Maurizio Cattelan and others.

I enjoy seeing these works but I don’t pretend to understand the depth, nuance and complexity of their meaning.

After viewing the art of the first floor, we began walking up a marble staircase to the next floor. Halfway up there was a landing and I noticed what looked like a young boy kneeling, in prayer position, facing the corner.

Images source: Färgfabriken Maurizio Cattelan, Him, 2001

From the back the boy looked to be about 12 or 13 (the same age as my nephew Beau was at the time) and he was wearing clothes from the early 1900’s. He had brown hair and for a moment I thought – “that looks like it could be Beau.”

There was something still and serene about this boy in the prayer position. I walked to the side to see the boy’s face and Debbie and I were completely shocked and surprised to see the face of the adult Hitler, moustache and all.

I suddenly remembered that Hitler’s father had unexpectedly died when he was 13 years old and in that moment I felt a wave of compassion run though me. Hitler, the monster was once an innocent child. (and yes, I still consider him a monster and this experience in no way minimized for me who and what he became.)

I tried to take a picture of this statue but security guards quickly stopped me.I asked why there were two guards…was it just to stop people like me who wanted to take a photograph? The guard who spoke English told me that many people had such a negative reaction to the art that they would try to spit on it or harm it in someway. (that was certainly the immediate reaction of sone of my friends who were with us.)

Maurizio Cattelan Him 2001 "Divine Comedy" Sotheby's New York

Just as Lynne found compassion for Mobutu, I found that a work of art became a life-changing experience for me….I learned that even in the most horrific of circumstances, compassion can be found.

Being able to open my heart and find compassion for a monster is a dimension of Wabi Sabi Love-the art of finding perfection in imperfection that I never anticipated. This experience became, for me, the next level to grow a generous heart and to discover the depth and range in terms of love, compassion and appreciation within myself ,when I am willing and courageous enough to explore these potentials.

Where or when have you found compassion for the impossible?

Fun and full of life, my Aunt Pearl was always one of my favorite people. Whenever I would call her she would explode with enthusiasm as if hearing from me was like winning the lottery!

Perpetually cheerful and optimistic, Aunt Pearl had a ton of interests and we nicknamed her the “Culture Queen.” Six nights a week she was out on the town. She loved politics, opera, symphony, theatre, her friends, reading (anything by Tom Friedman was a favorite), traveling, the Miami Dolphins and her job as an assistant to an attorney with a busy practice.

She had married in her twenties only to have her husband killed in a robbery six months after the wedding. She never remarried or had children but she was easily one of the happiest people I’ve ever met.

Ten years ago, in August 2001, for her 80th birthday my brother, sister and I (and several other family members) took her to Aspen, Colorado for the annual music festival. We attended daily concerts, took hikes in the mountains, and sampled the local restaurants. It was a magical time.

A few months later she thought she had the flu. She hadn’t been feeling well and she had noticed that she had been losing a lot of weight. This was something she was very pleased about since she had been dieting most of her life. She went to the doctor and received devastating news. She had pancreatic cancer and was told she had three months or less to live.

Two months earlier we had buried our stepfather of the same disease. We knew what she was in for. It was impossible to believe.

We all took turns flying to Miami Beach to visit with Aunt Pearl and in true form she was still upbeat despite her reality. She began making plans for her funeral and burial. She put her affairs in order, gave me instructions on how to get into her safety deposit box, and lists of who was to get what. This included detailed instructions about the clothes she wanted to be buried in. Because of the weight loss she was finally able to fit into a beautiful gold evening gown that she hadn’t worn in over thirty years.

Before her final trip into the hospital she had taken the gown out and hung it on her bedroom door and carefully placed the matching shoes and handbag on the floor where the gown was hanging.

Aunt Pearl had a tiny size foot, size 5, and a huge appetite for shoes… she had quite a collection. I don’t think she ever threw out a pair!

When our cousin Sara, who also wears a size 5, came for a visit, Aunt Pearl immediately gave Sara the keys to her condo telling her that all of her shoes were now her inheritance.

One Sunday afternoon I was sitting next to her hospital bed and she decided it was time to let her friends know that the end was near. She took out her little black address book and for the next few hours I listened as she called her friends, one by one.

With each friend she shared with them what she loved best about them and her fondest memories of their time together. She encouraged them not to be sad and told them that they would be together again some day on the other side. I never heard any sadness, or self-pity, just pure classic upbeat, optimistic, look-for-the-good-in-everything Aunt Pearl.

The next week she moved into hospice. The one thing she wanted to do every day was to watch her favorite film, Moonstruck starring Cher and Nicholas Cage.

The film is about a beautiful, young widow (played by Cher) who has a passion for opera and finds true love again. Aunt Pearl saw herself as Cher and never tired of the story.

During this entire process I never once heard her complain. She was gracious, and thankful for the caring nurses and content to be surrounded by family and friends. On the last morning of her life she asked me to get her an Advil. She said she was in a bit of pain.

I went to find the hospice nurse who informed my that for the past two weeks Aunt Pearl had been on high dose morphine patches and that an Advil was not going to help her, but they would give her more morphine to ease her pain.

Aunt Pearl passed away peacefully later that day. My brother went to her condo to pick up the gold evening gown and other things needed for her burial.

He called to tell me the shoes were missing.

He had looked everywhere but couldn’t find a single pair of shoes, especially the matching gold ones. That’s when we remembered that cousin Sara had taken all of them.

Fortunately we were able to have the shoes Fed Ex’ed to us and Aunt Pearl was buried exactly as she had planned. Dressed as the culture Queen she was and surrounded by the ones who loved her most.

Today is the 10th anniversary of her passing and I am pretty sure she has big plans to attend a gala event somewhere on the other side.

I am excited to announce my first ever Virtual Book Tour Event for my new book Wabi Sabi Love.

The virtual meeting room is really cool and you’ll be one of the first to use it! It’s a large-scale video chat where I will appear live in real time with a room full of people. It’s totally unlike anything you have ever seen before.

I will be talking about Wabi Sabi Love and hosting an interactive Q&A. You can either write in a question or raise your hand to be called on plus video chat with anyone at the event. Cool, huh?

The Wabi Sabi Love Virtual Tour Event will be held next Wednesday, March 7 at 5 pm pst/7 pm cst/8 pm est so mark your calendar.

Here are the details:

1, In order to have the easiest possible experience, you will want to download Google Chrome. It is really easy (trust me, if I can do it, you can do it!) Here is the link:

Get Google Chrome

2. Mark your calendar:

Wednesday, March 7:   5 pm pst/7 pm cst/8 pm est

3. Click this link: http://www.shindig.com/demos/wabi-sabi-love-virtual-book-tour/

That’s it! I look forward to seeing you there!

PS This event is produced on a new platform called Shindig and we are most curious about your experience…your feedback is invaluable to us!

PPSS Feel free to share this event with your Facebook, Twitter and Google+ fans. Thanks!

Dear Arielle,

Wabi Sabi Eating Habits? Why Not?

Last year I manifested my soulmate at age 59!  He’s a terrific guy and I’m crazy about him except for one big issue that I just can’t seem to figure out the Wabi Sabi Solution too.

His health and his eating. He has diabetes and high blood pressure, which he takes meds for, but he eats as if he doesn’t have a weight issue or these life threatening diseases.

I work to overlook his bad eating (french fries, pizza, over eating) but this is so difficult for me. I am very, very healthy (which he loves and I am in great shape).

He tells me that I am helping him to be more conscious and he is making tiny baby steps (he has given up sodas and is eating less bread) but I don’t want him to stroke out or loose eyesight or a limb.

We read Wabi Sabi Love together and we discussed this but I am finding this issue really difficult to overcome.

Help!
Thanks,
Cheryl Ann

Dear Cheryl Ann,

As his best friend, lover, partner for life, it’s clear why you would be so concerned about his health. And, you can’t be his mother or a nag him non-stop because, as you know, that won’t work. Also, don’t forget, that by stressing out about his bad habits, you are suppressing your own immune system, which isn’t good for your health.

I think it’s great that he is taking tiny baby steps….that is so encouraging! And, even if he were a total health-nut, there’s no promise that some random illness would befall him (or any of us).

Why don’t you ask him if he is willing to make one small change each week and also get his OWN life coach to work one-on-one with him.

The best role for you is to praise him (wildly) for all the little steps he is taking. And, at the right time its ok to share with him the truth about how you feel, including the fear of him becoming an invalid, but do it with some humor: tell him you are sure you will end up as Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!

You might also want to suggest that he buy long-term health care insurance so if he does fall ill he doesn’t end up in a nursing home but can have in-home care-givers.

One last thought. Last week I went to a funeral of a dear friend who died of cancer…despite a lifetime of meditating twice a day, eating a vegetarian diet, exercising and doing everything “right.” He was only 61.

Life is short…grab the good stuff where and whenever you can.

Wishing you a lifetime of Wabi Sabi Love,

Arielle

PS Do you have a Wabi Sabi Love question?  Click here, I would love to hear from you!

Now that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, conscious romance does not have end. On the contrary….keep the romance going. Here is one of my fave songs, hope you enjoy it too!